Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
