Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
