in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
