I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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