we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
