Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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