i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
