how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
