I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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