some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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