hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
