He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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