What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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