I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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