i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
