Apparently you make a good broom.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
