someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize