I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize