and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
