I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
