Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
