Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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