Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
