I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
