butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
