I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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