I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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