At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
