I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
