p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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