I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
