She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
