other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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