I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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