did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
