i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
