So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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