I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Sober January is a disaster.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
