What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
