piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
