Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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