Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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