I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
