is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize