when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she pinky promised me she was 18
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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