this beer tastes like vomit already
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
