If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
