In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
