Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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