youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dignity is for republicans.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
