Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We left the knife in your bed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize