to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
