I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
