Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
