Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
