I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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