I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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