who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
