OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
