Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
