Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
