hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
