im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
