that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize