we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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