On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize