he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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