Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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